Sometimes I smile, sometimes I cry, sometimes it feels so hard

Hi 

After 5 years of caring I am well used to the ups and downs and setbacks that it would bring.  The trouble is that now when I’m feeling a bit down my best pal who I relied on is no longer here.

Even in the toughest days during our struggle she made me strong and some of that strength is now gone. I speak about my magnificent wee mum all the time at meetings and awareness talks. Sometimes I cry when I speak about her and other times I smile , the trouble with that is that behind the smile, never far away is the memory of a struggle, the helplessness I felt so often and behind the tears is pain in my heart that feels like it might never leave. I was discussing recovery the other day with someone; I should look it up in a dictionary because sometimes it feels like the most impossible task. I just miss her; I miss her smile, kindness, care, guidance and friendship.

If you love someone make sure you tell them, if you care for someone make sure you tell them, if you value someone make sure tell them, you might just change their day and don’t ever leave it till you no longer can.  I told my mum every day how much I loved her even when she no longer knew my name and I WISH she was here tonight so I could tell her one more time