Guest Post via Kim Pennock -From the depths of despair I tread lightly again

This weeks Guest post is from my dear friend  Kim Pennock @beachcomberplus

kim has shared her story and thoughts with us a few times before ,Lets hear what Kim has to say .....

From the depths of despair I tread lightly again

#dementia #alzheimers #carers #health

Well here I am back in the land of reality following a year out with carer stress.
Sounds so lame to say this but carers stress? What is that exactly?

Well I had no idea at all that I was “suffering” from anything other than a broken heart!
Seeing my beloved mum settled, and I guess institutionalised, at the care home she was taken into has been the toughest and most guilt ridden journey I have ever been on.

The sleepless nights full of tears and anger, the pains in my chest the feelings of hopeless despair and the endless headaches and fears led to a GP trip and a diagnosis of stress.

Now…I am a very stubborn person where my own health and self is concerned and I felt like a strong person so this was a shock really and I felt useless…and it’s not me who is in care but mum so what the hell am I stressed about?

This crept up on me over a period of 6 years …largely thanks to the lack of support from the so called professionals, lack of advice and help, constant battles with family or people who wouldn’t make decisions in mums best interest and the endless middle of the night calls and mums wanderings at night involving a police search.

“So how the hell must my darling mum feel and how dare I crumble when needed most!” This ran through my mind as the GP  spoke.

Having spoken to many carers I now realise all these emotions are what many feel and that has helped me clear my thoughts, adapt my functioning process and breathe!
In this world of Dementia we carers just get on with it and care often putting ourselves to one side….

A loved one deserves a life not a life sentence just because of a diagnosis so what have I learnt?
Every unique individual is exactly that… An individual and that’s the point where some can’t quite grasp this Dementia diagnosis…. No 2 people are the same so no 2 people will react or cope the same and that includes we carers.
All we can try to do is understand, care, give, cope, laugh and most of all live! Together inclusive and United on the Dementia journey for it is a journey.

I feel more able to be the me that mum created and to be that caring compassionate vocal supportive daughter. I have learnt to let go.

I have accepted what I can’t change so choose instead to jump back into campaigning for the rights of the most wonderful people like my mum who have no voice when they most need it.
Forever and always for my mum

Thanks for reading my blog, You can now view my 8 short flims here! http://tommy-on-tour-2011.blogspot.co.uk/2014/05/my-mums-name-was-joan-this-is-our-story.html