Guest Blog - Kim Pennock ,This is how I feel right now -For The Love Of Mum

Hi 

Today we have a guest on my blog from my friend Kim Pennock .Kim and I have become friends through our mums Stories friends for life I have to say we met as son a daughter as campaigners and for the love of our mums 

I feel very honored to share Kim's feelings  

You can follow Kim on twitter via @KimSea2shore 

This is how I feel right now........

Although I didn't have the happiest childhood for several reasons, my grandparents and my beautiful mum were always by my side to hug me encourage me and make me feel I could take on the world if I ever needed to...

My working life, eventually mainly from home, enabled me to marry, bring up four beautiful children and live a happy life surrounded by love and of course my lovely mum...

In 2006 my life took a dramatic turn when the love of my life suddenly and unexpectedly after 28 years,decided to leave me and our children as he no longer wanted to be a married man.. Heartbroken and devastated I turned to my mum who nurtured and guided me back from despair.. Mum didn't come round often or ring me or tell me what to do, she was just there and I knew it.. That's all I needed just to know she was there. Due to the strength I felt from the love given and instilled in me by mum I brushed myself down and faced the uncertain future with an inner strength I had to dig very deep to find.

One day mum sent me a card to tell me how proud she was of who I had become and how proud she was that I was always there for her, forever and always we used to say....

In 2010 my life took a second dramatic turn when my beloved mum was taken ill and has gradually at first then rapidly declined into the hidden depths of Vascular dementia and Alzheimer's...

I moved my family closer but due to no finances had to rent a house that fell through so I had to move yet again. I was in complete and utter turmoil but I have learnt how to fight a totally different fight without the beautiful mum I knew by my side.

This is a fight I will never win.. One I wish I could fight to the bitter end for my mum who needs me more than ever...A lonely fight regardless of the intermittent support I have from family and friends...A scary fight because there will be no winner... A desperate fight because it's in despair I repeat over and over again to those that could help please can you tell me what we need to do?

I am learning as we go but know I am losing the fight and my heart is broken all over again.... But this time I fear it will never mend as the woman I consider to be my everything will not be there to hold it close... Mum no longer knows who I am.. However a hug a smile a cuddle and a laugh over tea and cake is everything to me now...I pray I have longer with mum than I perhaps know I have..... Who will mend my broken heart when the light goes out on a lifetime of love and support laughter and kindness?

Kim Pennock