Wednesday, 1 October 2014

Dementia Love story or tragedy we all have our part to play, which part will you play

Love story or tragedy we all have our part to play.

My mum’s life was built on a love story, her love for family, friends she cared for but most of all mums love for my dad and his love for her. Growing up like many family’s we had our moments but my mums love always conquered. We were always put first at all times and mums ability to care for everyone was inspiring, she was magnificent in my eyes and I miss her dearly.  I was thinking about recovery yesterday, I don’t think I will ever recover from missing my mum and a big part of that, the biggest part was all that dementia brought. 

My mum met my dad and they fell in love, so there began a love story and no matter what challenges came our way we always had love to get us through. There is a pain in my heart that just won’t go away and I don’t think it ever will, it was just too hard and I felt too helpless far too often.  Dementia on its own can break your heart and when dad passed away 10 years ago I thought mum would die from a broken heart, I truly did but what is cruller to die from a broken heart or not remember the person your heart was broken for.  Mum had family and friends to care for and worry about, she worried and cared for everyone and everything so much so that she put aside and hidden her broken heart.  I can’t hide my broken heart, there was too much struggle so many days feeling helpless, too little understanding from within and towards us and in my opinion across society about dementia.

My mum like all mums and dads deserve the right to keep their life stories closer to love stories and away from tragedies. Society has its own part to play until we take dementia and the understanding of dementia to the wider society then veering towards tragedy will always be there until the people we encounter understand the impact this illness has and their actions have on our lives.  The final chapter of our lives and love stories will always be affected, if only people could understand. 

My heart smiles when I think of the people who helped keep mums love story alive against all odds during her journey with dementia, even though this was only few, they will always have a place in my heart for helping a son and his mum get though the best they could.  The down side is we encountered too many who held us back, who never engaged with mum, who only saw a wee woman with dementia and almost wrote mum off.  My mum was never just a wee woman with dementia, she was Joan Whitelaw magnificent, kind, caring and right to the end her eyes shone with love she cared more about us than many cared about her.

Love story or tragedy what part will you play in the life of others?


1 comment:

  1. Ahhh Tommy i know all of this to be true ..looked after my amazing wee mum for about 4yrs with the help of serviced some gd some not so gd , i feel privalaged to have been able to do this ,and for her to die at my home just her ,and i .
    Would i do it again ?? Hell Yea but with more help .
    Keep up the gd work Tommy ,and look after yourself eh x


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