From Crowded rooms to this empty house and heart

From Crowded rooms to an empty house and heart

2013 had been a busy year .I have had the great privilege to have been the guest  speaker at many talks ,met so many amazing people in person - on social media and read their life stories 

It has been a hectic year . I am grateful for the opportunities to raise awareness as this in my passion and to be honest I have not had much time to think between talks and travelling. But each time I return  home and approach  the house in darkness ,the emotions of the six years caring for mum and all that has happened since hit hard 

I sat in the sitting room in the dark as I have done a few time before and it all got a bit much almost not wanting to walk up the stairs to the empty room that mum was confined to over the last months of her life and for longer this house felt more like a prison thank a home for us both And I just miss her

My wee ,mum in amongst our struggles and over the last  years was my best  pal .I have spent the last year  in crowded rooms speaking at events and in meetings  but in many ways papering over the cracks of a broken heart .And my heart IS broken.

We suffered great loneliness over the last years but I was never truly lonely not with my  mum by my side. Tonight I feel lonely and so sad inside for a mum who deserved much better than   she got and to often I was able to give

I struggle often coming home from those crowded rooms to an empty house and this empty heart  and I miss my wee mum who no matter what she faced made sure her big boy was ok

Tommy