Thursday, 30 May 2013

From Crowded rooms to this empty house and heart

From Crowded rooms to an empty house and heart

The last two weeks have been the busiest of my campaign in many ways over the last two weeks I have been a guest speaker at 7 events along with quite a few meetings and a debate on my campaign at the Scottish Parliament. I spoke at Caledonian university, Cardonald College twice Aye College, Lockerbie carers was at Stirling yesterday and today with a stand and today also as a guest speaker. On Wednesday past I was through at the parliament with a stand and a member’s debate on the letters I have collected
It has been a hectic two weeks and I am grateful for the opportunities to raise awareness as this in my passion and to be honest I have not had much time to think between talks and travelling .I got home tonight and as I walked down the street looking at the house in darkness ,the emotions of the last weeks hit quite hard .I sat in the sitting room in the dark and it all got a bit much almost not wanting to walk up the stairs to the empty room that mum was confined to over the last months .And I just miss her
My wee ,mum in amongst our struggles and over the last 5 years was my best wee pal .I have spent the last weeks in crowded rooms speaking at events but in many ways papering over the cracks of a broken heart .And my heart IS broken .We suffered great loneliness over the last 5 years but I was never truly lonely not with my wee mumby my side , Tonight I feel lonely and so sad inside for a mum who deserved much better thank she got and to often I was able to give
I struggle sometimes coming home from crowded rooms to an empty house and this empty heart  and I miss my wee mum who no matter what she faced made sure her big boy was ok

Tommy

2 comments:

  1. Hi Tommy,

    Consider yourself cyber hugged.
    You do great work.

    Caring can be very lonely, is there a walking group or carers group that you can reach out too. To try and rebuild the connections that can be lost when you care.

    D

    ReplyDelete
  2. Caring can be a very isolated and lonely life, but we always have the person we love right beside us. None of us still caring will ever know your pain and loss and the assumption from others that you just pick up where you left your life before you became an unpaid carer must be the worse assumption anyone could make. You will rebuild a life Tommy but it will be a new life and it will take time. You be proud of yourself and the care you gave to your mum. No words will ever take away your broken heart or that empty feeling you have now, but through your campaign before and now in her memory others will learn from your experience, a priceless gift that came from much joy and sadness. I wish you peace and health for the future.
    Take care Carolan

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