Wednesday, 14 August 2013

I just don’t know what to do with myself

I just don’t know what to do with myself

I have two years to work on my Dementia Carer Voices project, based on my Tommyontour campaign that I started from my bedroom whilst caring for my wee mum.  A campaign started with a broken and lost heart.  I am grateful for the opportunity to continue to improve and increase the awareness work done from home and during my respite hours.  I am thankfully very busy with some I believe good projects and opportunities to both be involved in and raise awareness.

Its Sunday today and like every other weekend and evening since mum passed away I just don’t know what to do with myself.  My mum over the last five years became my best pal we shared the struggles and the joy.  The truth is each other was all we really had.  I Knew I would miss mum but I never thought it would be this hard this often.  5 years of loneliness, isolation and social exclusion has knocked the stuffing out of me, the thing is I could take it when mum was here; we had to in order to get by.

What happens when in need of long term care or caring that as a society we too often look the other way.  Dementia brings so many challenges on its own, we need to do more to tackle all the other struggles that can play such a prominent part.  I know how to campaign, well I hope I do, I just don’t know how to fit back into everyday life.  My life before caring was constantly travelling and social occasions, now I have no clue, and really don’t know where to start.  The loneliness we faced over the last 5 years was in many ways a rehearsal for how lonely life is without my wee pal, my mum and like every other weekend or evening I just don’t know what to do with myself.



  1. Take care tommy, I am sure that something will come along when the time is right. You should be an advisor on caring to the Scottish Government.
    Take it easy and enjoy a rest, and try to enjoy your past times, if you have any.

    Good luck

  2. Hi Tommy, I have been reading some of your posts and it is so heartbreaking to hear your pain. As a mother, I am so touched by the love you have for your mum. I love that you call her your "wee mum." Your love shines through all your words. She was so blessed to have a wonderful son like you! For so many years, your meaning and purpose for life was wrapped up in caring for your mum, so it is very understandable that you are feeling this way now. You are not just grieving the one you love so much, but you have also lost your identity and the main purpose for your life. That is such a huge loss and understandable that you are experiencing such profound grief. It would help you to connect to others. Look up the friends that you didn't have time for when you were caring for your mum. Join groups that interest you - former hobbies, a faith group. For me, going back to school really helped. It took a while but I am making friends and I have the excitement of knowing that my future is going to change for the better. I hope this helps and also the fact that people are out there who care. I hope you find some friends close to you that can be with you during this painful time.


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