Wednesday, 21 August 2013

Papering over the broken heart

Papering over the cracks, my broken heart.

I have had my heart broken before, a few times in fact and looking back this could have been avoided if I had been a better boyfriend or even half as good a boyfriend as I thought I was.  So in many ways maybe I asked for what I got but we never asked for Dementia, we certainly did not see it coming and it changed everything. 

Things changed in our case with pace and intensity that we struggled to keep up with and that’s a problem we can work on.  This journey from diagnosis to end of life, a plan from that day, a plan to help keep pace, to keep the love and to cherish life.

Since my wee mum passed away I have continued at pace with the growth of the campaign we started together, the campaign that started with one story my incredible wee mum Joan and I feel strongly when speaking, raising awareness or telling people with great pride about my mum and the amazing courage of the families I have met or who have shared their story.

However in many ways this papers over the cracks of how I feel inside, how lost I am at home without my wee mum and how lonely this house is after 5 years of Dementia being part of our lives. 

As for a broken heart, I have recovered from them before this time, this time I am not so sure, this time it feels to hard.  The world will never feel the same again, it was too hard too often and we have to change that for others, so they don’t feel like I have felt or how I feel tonight.


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