Wednesday, 19 December 2012

My mum Joan, I miss her

For the last years I have tried my hardest to be strong .and to often any strength I had was challenged ,watching dementia take its toll on your mum or on anyone will affect you .For the last year I have had my awareness campaign to work on and in may ways it has helped me personally ,trying to keep up with all dementia brought to us and during the 14 hours a week respite I working on my campaign kept my focused .and yes I cried a lot late at night when mum was asleep I cried ,I mean this is my mum .this is my mum facing the greatest of challenges and as much as I tried ,I was helpless against so much since my wee mum passed away 11 weeks ago I have tried to work harder on my awareness campaign as I have time ,but time is bringing other challenges ,to much time to think back to the struggles and yes there was joy I know that ,but just now I can only feel the struggles and mistakes .I have no problem doing talks or working on projects as this was something I left the house to do each week while my mum was here right to the end .but I always had the amazing person who was the biggest part of my talks to come home to and to care for .but now even as I walk down the street towards the house  as I always have done look up to mums room as for the last months she was there 24/7 and this empty house just sends me to tears to often .my wee mum has gone as is much of my strength and I just miss her .I like many have had my heart broken before but this is different ,this is so painful sometimes and I think what I am really trying to is I just miss my wee mum and I always will I just wish it wasn’t so painful. Dementia does note define my mum .she was to great for that but it breaks my heart today like it broke my heart on many others of a journey so hard and a wee woman. my mum like many others who deserve a wee bit better
I dont know if the above makes sense but its how my heart feels today tomorrow we try to feel better but no matter what we take the campaign forward ,dementia cant stop that


1 comment:

  1. I love that photo of you and your mum, Tommy. Have a great Christmas and a happy new year.


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