Saturday, 19 October 2013

I just don't know what to do with myself weekends,night time the loneliness inside

just don’t know what to do with myself

I have two years to work on my Dementia Carer Voices project, based on my Tommyontour campaign that I started from my bedroom whilst caring for my wee mum.  A campaign started with a broken and lost heart.  I am grateful for the opportunity to continue to improve and increase the awareness work done from home and during my respite hours.  I am thankfully very busy with some I believe good projects and opportunities to both be involved in and raise awareness.

Its Saturday today and like every other weekend and evening since mum passed away I just don’t know what to do with myself.  My mum over the last five years became my best pal we shared the struggles and the joy.  The truth is each other was all we really had.  I Knew I would miss mum but I never thought it would be this hard this often.  5 years of loneliness, isolation and social exclusion has knocked the stuffing out of me, the thing is I could take it when mum was here; we had to in order to get by.

What happens when in need of long term care or caring that as a society we too often look the other way.  Dementia brings so many challenges on its own, we need to do more to tackle all the other struggles that can play such a prominent part.  I know how to campaign, well I hope I do, I just don’t know how to fit back into everyday life.  My life before caring was constantly travelling and social occasions, now I have no clue, and really don’t know where to start.  The loneliness we faced over the last 5 years was in many ways a rehearsal for how lonely life is without my wee pal, my mum and like every other weekend or evening I just don’t know what to do with myself.

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