Saturday, 2 March 2013

The pain in my heart that won’t go away

A pain in my heart that won’t go away

It was a beautiful morning and day here in Glasgow .I started with the best intentions to clean the house from top to bottom. My week days are busy and full with talks ,meetings and awarerness projects .Night times and  weekends are another matter .To much time to think maybe ,I have always I think been a hard worker much like my mum and dad and the last 5 years physically and emotionally where the hardest and toughest of all .As dementia took its course and toll my mum needed me more each day and our days where a succession of getting through today to get through tomorrow ,That is something I hope we can all change making days the best they can be giving more time to love ,live and cherish. For the weekend since my wee mum passed away I felt positive the sunshine can do that ,the scent of spring can lift our spirits the deeper I delved into today’s clear out the more memories I had to face and I was stuck between a smile in my heart and a pain that just wont go away .Both my mum and dad where great and I remember on the days when it felt to hard I used think oh dad if you where here everything would be Ok,This woman you loved and who loved you so much who was lost and a son who was also lost ,you would make it ok .Mum at the most critical times made it ok for us both ,Her greatness shone through her kindness and love kept us going even at our lowest moments .This reversal in roles brought us closer A son trying to give a mum the carer she needed and gave so well to me and she became my best pal and sometimes my only pal but always my best .And I miss her so much I sit sometimes with broken hearted memories of mum who deserved better and think who going to make it ok and I miss her so much there is a pain in my hear that just wont go away

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