Well I am getting the overnight train Glasgow to London tonight for two talks, the Alzheimer show and Camden town hall tomorrow, then tomorrow night the overnight train London to Inverness to speak at the labour party Conference at a carer event, packing my wee bag a nervousness came over me I don’t stay out I don’t go out at night
Caring for my mum for 5 years and since mum passed away most of my awareness work was done during respite hours in the daytime and that has continued since mum passed away ,I have done a few talks at night but not many. In fact when caring for mum I only left my house at night 9 times over the 3 years each time to do a talk and even on my walk round Scottish towns and cites to raise awareness I got the last train home each night, then the first train to the next city each morning in case mum needed me.
For the twenty years before dementia and caring for mum I toured pretty much 10 months of each year,it was coming home and not on the move that made me uncomfortable ,Tonight I almost have butterflies to be going out and staying out even if that is just on a train ,Tonight has cemented the pain of how lonely and isolated mum and I where for so many years when this is the first night staying out for nearly 4, last week the meal at someone’s house the first dinner out for years and tonight the first night out and away for a couple of days in years .It makes me sad inside how imprisoned we and so many others are when needing care or caring. Even now when I can go out, I really don’t know how to .this isolation and loneliness families face is dreadful looking back I don’t know we made it, but then we never really did
For so many years I was never really home ,now I don’t know how to go out