Sunday, 10 February 2013

How do you mend a broken heart? Dementia mum and me

How do you mend a broken heart? Dementia my mum and me

Dementia alone will eventually break you heart .It most certainly has broken mine .I have had my heart broken before, but not like this .My kind caring wee mum whose ability to care for and about all she met was an inspiration .No one deserves this illness its cruel and all encompassing .My heart was not broken only since mum passed away but had been for long time .No matter what dementia threw at my mum no matter how many tears I cried as her son, and on the days where it felt to hard and mum was facing so much more than me ,she could make it better with a smile ,a stroke of the hand and greatest of all a smile from her eyes as if to say ,you are ok son ,you are doing ok .Sitting here today with more time to think than I had before just confirms that we where never really ok .we where stumbling and falling together .People say oh you cared for mum but that is only half of it mum was still caring for her son ,you see that’s what she done she gave all she met the best looking for nothing in return and .My mums journey with this illness is over and I am left with a heart that is so sad inside .my wee mum like so many other deserved a bit better and better than I was able to give .So I will take leaf from my mums book and answer the question I asked at the top of this page .how do you mend a broken heart .
That all who are facing this illness or in the future will face this illness are treated with understanding ,kindness ,dignity ,respect and given the best of help and advice and I hope anyone who ever needs help ask as quickly as they can and if the person they meet at home ,residential care or in a hospital has even just q hundredth of the kindness that was my mum they will be in very safe hands AS I WAS ALL MY LIFE,EVEN DEMENTIA COULD NOT TAKE THAT AWAY
TOMMY

1 comment:

  1. My 84 year old Auntie is currently in respite care and being assessed to determine what level of care she will need to go forward. Her heart is breaking and so is that of my cousin and myself. She is so cross with us for putting her in such a place and she cannot understand why we have. We had no choice and keep telling her to prove she can do simple task like making a cup of tea or get herself washed and dressed. We wish we were able to care for her ourselves but sadly it is not possible we both have to work full time. We keep seeing a glimmer of who she used to be... a kind, proud, dignified lady and hope it is a sign she is getting better. Whatever the outcome all we can do at the moment is assure her we will be there for her every step of the way and wonder and hope she understands what we are saying. It has opened our eyes to the sad reality that the future is uncertain for everyone. But one thing my Auntie can be sure of is that we will love her as we have always loved her no matter how cruel her words to us are, because we know she only says them out of frustration and sadness and that is what breaks our heart.

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