Monday, 8 October 2012

Life,it will never be the same again …

Its a few weeks since my wee mum passed away and I know they say time is a great healer, but that doesn’t feel true, the experience and dynamics of caring for someone you love, someone who cared for you, someone who for most of you’re life picked up the pieces and never let you down and even when facing the full force of all that dementia brought managed to get you through the darkest days when is was you who should be getting them through is a loss to hard to bare, I am uncomfortable and lonely at home and feel the same when out ,I was out today doing my second talk since mum passed away and I felt strong as it feels the important part of my life and it is the most important part of my life now that my wee mum is no longer here. It was important when I was caring for mum and feels even more important tonight as I sit trying to work out what happened over the last 5 years all I can feel is the mistakes I made and mistakes we felt and the pain ,frustration lack of understanding within and towards are at the forefront of my mind .I feel scarred by our journey and if had the chance would do it all again but only better ,That’s why my campaign will continue and grow I don’t want anyone else sitting like I do tonight feeling the force of regret ,one things for sure life will never be the same again not only for me but for all who where touched by my mums kindness love and warmth
whoever said big boys dont cry was wrong ,this big boy crys himself to sleep and misses a wee mum who deserved much better in life than she got

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