Trying to work it all out

Yesterday and last night where particularly difficult, as A son and my mums carer for the last 5 years I had to try and be strong for my mum and hold it all together from the shock of my mum being rushed to hospital, the 3 days fighting for her life to a week organizing the funeral I had to do the best I could to hold it all together/ Yesterday and last night sitting here alone a whirlwind of emotions hit me for six .What happened to us over the last years ,months and weeks ,how did we get through it why was it so hard  I am struggling to find any comfort at the moment  and my memories are all of a struggle and fight in fact we fought to the end .iI know the main reason we got through it ,but she is no longer here ,My Wee Mum even as I fell apart beside her at times ,even with all  she faced my mum was the strength behind us .was I really my mums carer ,or was she in the midst of tragedy still caring for me ,it’s a bit of a fog of hardship and mistakes at the moment ,I hope I can remember better days soon as I sit here trying to work it all out

Tommy