Tuesday, 6 November 2012

at the doctors today, there is a gap in my heart and life that seems only to be filled by pain

I have the  doctors  early this morning ,I am trying with all I can to keep my awareness campaign going and build on the work  to date, My life is spit between a strength to talk about and raise  awareness on both dementia and caring and this emptiness at home and emptiness added to by memories of the struggle my mum faced especially over the last months and even though I was by her side trying to care and support ,it never felt as painful as it feels most nights since mum passed away, while caring we are fighting the best fight we can to keep pace and strong so we shield ourselves in many ways from the reality in front of us ,so as not to fall apart as we are of no use or value to our loved ones if we fall apart beside them So I have moments of passion ,desire and need ,A need to keep telling the story of our journey and of the life stories I receive and I have moments of falling apart at home moments added to by the memories of a struggle to far and I feel closer to falling apart at some points than ever before because  ,the bond ,my wee mum is no longer here to need me or in fact to strengthen me and that  leaves a gap in my heart that as soon as I have to much time to think is quickly filled with pain and sorrow  ,and to often that’s all I have ,is to much time to think


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