Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Missing my mum, supermarkets, loneliness, heartbreak and hope

Recovery, I am not even sure that is possible at certain times of the day or night, Its 10pm and this house is missing its heartbeat, its too lonely and full of heartbreak to often and yes it was difficult towards the end. The last months to sad to describe .I feel ok at certain times and I feel strong and full of hope when I am doing stuff on dementia awareness, I feel strong even when doing talks about caring for my mum and her Journey, as difficult and sad as it was on so many occasions, but together we always send to manage and get by  .I tried for the 3rd time today to go to the supermarket for shopping and for the 3rd time I left in tears ,,the aisles remind me of the food we used to eat but more than that the food my mum could no longer eat as dementia took its toll. Our weekly list got less and less each month and now I cant bare  to shop at all ,and missing my mum ,missing my mum is overtaken by memories of how my heart was breaking towards the end and now its broken completely  and I don’t know if will ever heal ,is it possible to heal with all we’ve been through .with the regrets of misunderstandings from within and to many towards ,but hope we always had hope and I go to bed tonight with hope in my heart that one day they will  find a cure for this dreadful illness, and hope that until they do they find a better understanding across society and hope that  my mum knows  I tried my best ,no matter how hard it got no matter how lonely we felt my mum always gave me strength ,a smile or a reason and that’s what’s missing from this house and my heart my wee mum ,just like Dementia is terminal the feeling of loss feels terminal in this house and heart

I will forever campaign and forever miss the woman behind it Joan Whitlelaw my wee mum

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