What happened the last 5 years even now I am still unsure

Sometimes I start crying, the simplest of things set me off .We spent so long confined to this house that routines where built to get through the day .the routines changed and my mums health and dementia took their toll but it was always routines .each day trying to keep pace ,get though and survive in many ways earlier today without thinking I looked at the clock and thought better get dinner on .as this was part of a routine dinner, medication and bath for mum Only for a second then realized there is no routine and that’s when the tears started My mum is gone my mum who was always my friend then became my best friend and this started a process of tears and questions ,we where so busy trying to keep pace that we never asked enough questions .The biggest question of all is what happened one day I was care free probably to care free and certainly not planning for the future and mum was home in Glasgow and then a visit home to a tragedy in waiting a diagnosis of dementia and not much more ,no guidance no understanding and there began a 5 year journey always a step behind even at the end not sure what happened ,yes there where muttering of end of life care but as with the diagnosis ,no real guidance support or advice and as I try to figure out ,what happened to us over the last  5 years the only answer I can come up with is we never really stood a chance .we where never really informed of much the whole way through we where lost as where many people involved in mums care and that’s what has to change this journey dementia brings needs more planning .more information ,more understanding and the support from people who know more than we do .Its hard to figure out what happened over the last 5 years as we never quite knew what was happening at the time and the crying that happened all along this journey I cried so many nights like tonight as I cry myself to sleep but AT LEAST I KNOW WHY a mum like mine is worth crying for ,I wish it was only tears becuase I missed her but its mixed with tears for a mum who was in many ways let down by a lack of understanging from within us and towards us

Tommy