Friday, 25 January 2013

Will this house ever feel like a home again?

Will this house ever feel like a home again?

Before dementia and caring for my mum I had never really stayed in a house for over twenty years,I traveled a minimum of 10 months a year and relationships and a home life suffered, Yes  I had a home I had  long term relationships but always from a distance and spent to little time to really make any house a home or with the people I was in a relationship with .Then I became my mums carer and from never spending time with people or in a home ,time was all we had .As dementia took its toll on us both our chance to be part of ,involved included shrunk and it shrunk to being prisoners of dementia ,caring and this house and more than that the house shrunk ,the last year as mum became unable to walk and then worse we moved upstairs. my mum a prisoner of this illness and me a sentenced witness apart from the 14 hours a week I had respite we lived behind the walls of this house those hours where always a rush or panic to go to supermarkets ,chores or as my campaign took of raise awarerness and give talks .always worried is mum ok will I make it back in time in fact the last 3 years caring I only left the house at night  9 times to do talks and that involved switching my day hours to nighttime But for the time in my life I had a home although a struggle inside happy to be home caring for my mum after all she was the kindest most caring person you could ever meet ,Now  I am still a prisoner of this house as 5 years of caring has taken its toll how do we recover ,yes  I have increased my awarerness work but not my life I don’t know how to socialize  or who to socialize with I and this from a man who when traveling with my job was out most nights and at the end of this I have a home life something I always dreamed of when traveling. It took caring for my mum to find me a home, now this does not feel like a home because the reason ,the heart and soul is gone ,my dream to find a home did not work out dementia made sure of that .A home felt like a prison to mum and I and still does


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